Erin's Entrys

Yep…I’m still alive…and soon I will post again, however, I need to take some pictures, I refuse to write anything until I have pictures to put with it

The typical look away from the camera picture that Josh and I take anytime we are near a camera together.

The summer is flying by.  I think its because June was accompanied by all the showers that April typically encounters.  School is over for the summer next week.  Time continues to bound forward.  I used to look toward the future, but I’m trying to live more in the present now.  Its easy to delve into depression if there is so much anticipation for an event th at may never come.  I’d much rather work on myself today which is quite difficult for someone who likes to be in control!   

I came across this quote by President Monson and thought it was something amazing to live by.  

“First, each one of you is living a life filled with much to do. I plead with you not to let the important things in life pass you by, planning instead for that illusive and non-existent future day when you’ll have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey — now.” 

From Meredith Wilson’s “The Music Man,” he quoted this caution: “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.”

President Monson noted, “There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today. Let us not procrastinate those things which matter most.”

We took up the ENTIRE row at Harry Potter opening night. Unfortunately, I didn't get my tshirt made because I had 2 softball games and they decided to seat us 2 hours early!

My parents don’t appreciate my new understandings.  I thought my mom was going to have an anxiety attack for not booking my flight home in August until a few days ago (I typically book flights a few MONTHS in advance).  I still wouldn’t have done it without the constant annoyance from her and my sister about the dates I’m going to be home! 

My dad is mentally planning my return home to Illinois (TO STAY), which a  few months ago I would have thought to be fairly realistic.  I keep trying to tell him that I don’t know where I’m going to be next month, let alone a year from now.  The more I say it, the more I actually get comfortable with the idea of an unknown future.

I have a lot of life events to look forward to.  I know that they will eventually come and I anxiously await,but there’s so much to do between now and then.  Too much time that shouldn’t be wasted dreaming about the future…

My first tinfoil dinner...I LOVE IT...although I still don't know about camping! Try everything once I guess!

Kalai, Carissa, Me, & Ally @ Payson Lake!

Last week the second half of my classes began.  I’m already in full swing of assignments that stress me out, but I must say that is a good stress.  I know how to handle stress of this sort.  I just need to play just as hard as I study! After 10 hours of sitting in class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I am so wound that I need distractions because I bounce off the walls until about 1 am.  I’ve had alot of time with my girlfriends lately.  I love spending time with Carissa and company.  Saturday we went boating and it was just like the “old days” with of course a few changes that surprised me.

Kalai & I tubing at Utah Lake!

I never noticed before how much I’ve changed over the past 3 years.  I used to be pretty crazy and fun (and quite possibly the biggest flirt on the planet!).  I think I’m still fun now, but in a completely different way.  I just sit back and relax (completely chill) and watch my surroundings, something I never used to do.  I used to be the life of the party…I’m content just being at the party now;)  Its amazing how growing up and life experience transforms you.  I’ll admit that I was a little sad when I thought about how I’m just not as much fun as I used to be.  Part of me wants it back, but the other part of me is content learning from others and being around people like Carissa who are so much fun.  We all play our part, I’m just playing a different one I do need to work on the flirting skills though!

P.S. Can’t wait for Harry Potter…Yes…I will be there at midnight for the first showing!  Joel and I will be casting hexes on people in line…Exciting!

Carissa, Ally, and I at Payson Lake!

I went to the Singles Ward today.  It was completely the opposite of what I expected.  I have very little experience with the church considering I’ve only been in 3 wards in my entire life!  It was nothing like the BYU singles ward I had been in before.  There were only about 50 people there.  I was thinking that maybe everyone goes home for the summer because of school until they made comments about how big the ward had gotten.  It blew my mind. I was thinking about 300 would be normal (this is UTAH after all)…I guess not!  I’m torn on which ward to go to.  I don’t really have much in common with the people in my singles ward (I’m ancient compared to most people there! and our interests don’t really compare), but I feel like I could be of more use.  The one person who talked to me today looked like he was probably one of the older guys in the ward, and he was a whopping 23!  Its so funny that I don’t feel older than him, but he’s a sophomore in college…its been 7 years since I was in that stage of my life! It led to interesting conversation though!  I was just called as the Activities Chair (yes AGAIN)  in my other ward, so  I think I would feel bad leaving without actually doing anything, but I probably will leave anyway.

So I could be one of the least creative people in the entire planet (except for when it comes to marketing sports, then I do okay)…I’ll get to that a little later though! 

So I NEED help!  On July 15th, the new Harry Potter movie is released and I will be one of those people absolutely thrilled to have tickets to the midnight showing (Yeah I’m a nerd and I’m okay with it).  We are wearing tshirts of some sort to celebrate the event, but I have NO IDEA what I should put on mine…So if anyone has any really cool ideas, PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT…I have no ideas…Drawing a complete blank!

Also a quick note for those of you who care…I am no longer working for UVU.  Last tuesday was my last day.  After 3 years of work, I walked away satisfied with the job I had done and am happy to say that I feel confident that I left the department much better off than when I started.  I think that I will try to make that my measuring stick for success in all my future jobs.  There were no tears, no regret…Only memories that will stay with me!  Thanks to all who worked with me and for me…I appreciate you all more than you know.  I’m positive that I learned something from each and everyone one of you and am a better person for it…Please stay in touch, especially those who would drop in occasionally to visit!

Tomorrow I start my Best Buy for Business position.  I’m excited for something new and excited to transitioning to part-time because work full-time and graduate school full-time was killing me!  I’ll be happy to get some sleep! 

This week was a blast.  I had no job and no school to report to for the majority of the week.  I must say that I don’t really make a great bum.  I think a few more days and I would’ve gone crazy!  My aunt and uncle (Jim and Cindy) were in town for the early part of the week and Elise flew in for the second part, so I at least had company.  I loved making invites to go boating to get responses from some of much loved friends such as “Erin, some of us have responsibilities and jobs”…I KNOW THEY WERE JEALOUS!

I’m done writing now…Don’t forget to post a comment with ideas for Harry Potter or even just to say Hi…I like to know who’s reading this so I don’t talk crap about you…j/k  I don’t do that…although I might start putting in silent jabs to see how many phone calls I get..that would be fun!

The Gang at the Kelly Clarkson Concert…

It is amazing how one can come so far, but have so far to go! Before becoming LDS, I feel like I was quick to anger–quick to respond with wit and sarcasm and/or harsh words. 

Through my last 3 years of life, I’ve been tested and failed in the patience category so many times!  It’s interesting how in a big event, you actually figure it out.  BUT I REALLY HAVEN’T!  Yes, I’ve become slow to anger (and I’m really grateful for that progression) , but I’m definetly not patient.  At one point, I considered them the same thing!

Through life experience and self-reflection, I’ve learned that patience is NOT my best attribute.  I think it has to do with the aspect of control.  I’ve been an over-achiever as long as I can remember.  Always trying to be better at sports, academics, etc.  Batting .400 (which most people would be thrilled with) was never good enough.  In school, it was a 4.0 or bust, even an A- was unacceptable.  Just call it an obsession with perfection.  I know I’m not perfect, but its difficult for me to accept that I never will be in this lifetime! 

When I was married, I thought about divorce a few times.  I never let it be more than a passing thought because I viewed it as a failure of the biggest kind.  I thought if I just tried harder and gave it my all, it would all be okay.  I lost myself in the process and it will never happen again.  Trying to be in control when its not possible caused me to lose my spirit, my love for life, and my love for people…I’m so grateful I have it all back now and I learned a valueable lesson.

Its just sad that reliance on Heavenly Father through the process was NOT my coping mechanism until the divorce actually came to fruition.  It was always I can fix this if I try harder…that was just naive and stupid. 

I believe that the gospel is one of action.  Heavenly father won’t make our decisions for us.  We have to be willing and ready to act in the way he would have us.  I’m working on that now–I just don’t know what that is for me in some aspects of my life and I don’t have the patience, so I drive myself crazy trying to figure it out.

Dating is my worst area where I lack patience.  I’ve always dated guys who want to be around me most of the time (while dating) and who call nearly everyday.  There was never a doubt where they stood.  Taking it slow is HARD for me, not because I neccessarily want to be in a serious relationship, but because I just NEED to know what is coming (do they like me, are we going out again, etc. I HATE LIMBO). I guess I just want to have a little control or knowledge of where my life may be going, but that’s not my luxury right now!

Some people find it funny, but sometimes I just go sit outside on the bench of the Provo Temple.  Its so peaceful and beautiful at night.  I had never taken the time to sit in complete silence and ponder for a long period of time! I pack my life with so much that my next activity is always on my mind.  I LOVE sitting there–its amazing the insight I get.  Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to my controlling, prideful head, but I know the answers are right.  It might not mean that everything will work out, but I know I need to go in a certain direction to grow.

I don’t cry much anymore, well actually not at all (not even in movies that I used to bawl during!)–except when I go to the temple grounds.  I sit there and stare at “Holiness to the Lord” and “The House of the Lord” on the temple wall and a tear streams down my face.  When I think that someday I will have a family (husband, maybe kids who knows ) that is blessed by and lives the convenants of the temple, I’m overcome with joy.  I just don’t want to wait BUT PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE! Meanwhile, I’ll just be finishing up school controlling what I can and should (I’m already 25% done with my Master’s!) and working on progressing in all aspects of life!

I wore a dress to class (doesn’t happen that often) and a few of my classmates decided that I look just like the Snow White at DisneyLand.  This picture was tagged along with a castle on facebook..hehe.. A new nick name is born….SNOW!

So I changed the name of my blog.  I decided with my schedule, Sepideh and I are never together long enough to actually talk things out!  I’ll just post the random thoughts that come to mind whenever I can!  Thanks to all for the birthday wishes.  Although I spent 3 hours in a meeting followed by another 6 sitting in class, dinner at Red Robin with my friends was a great time.  Its so funny how birthdays make you reassess everything.  I look in the mirror and notice wrinkles I didn’t even know I had…it just amazes me that I can look in the mirror every single day and it takes a birthday to notice wrinkles.  How rediculous! 26 is going to be a good year and I look forward to it!

 This weekend was SOOOO Much FUN primarily due to the company   I love to laugh and smile…I’d forgotten how much!  I want to be surrounded by people that bring that out in me and I think I’m figuring out who that is! Dinner, Driving Range, Movies, Boating, and a great photoshoot = awesome weekend!  Sepideh had been brainstorming for a fun girls day and came up with a 20′s era flapper photoshoot.  It was a blast to do hair, makeup, and crazy clothes…something completely out of my normal style realm!  Pictures will be coming shortly!

Oh and did I mention that Josh and his roommates talked me into trying out for America’s Next Top Model a couple weeks ago…then tell me tonight that they think I’m too short and old to make it…I LOVE OPTIMISM   Oh well…there will always be fun photoshoots with Josh!

Today I picked up my books for my Master’s Program!  I’m excited to go back into the world of learning.  I know that people say that you never stop learning, but  I prefer a classroom setting.  Its refreshing, but mind-boggling at the same time.  I wonder how I am going to balance my life with so much going on.  Full time work (for now anyway, I find out tomorrow what is to come of that!) Full-time school (16 credit hours) a commute, and a social life.  Probably not gonna happen!  I’m thinking the social life is going to suffer tremendously.  I have it all worked out and have discovered I will make it to bed at midnight with just work and school (Monday through Thursday!). I’m a little nervous that I’m going to become a hermit, but right now I’m really excited for all the fun I’ll have on the weekends.  I’m looking forward to dating although scared to death about relying on myself for the prospects (I’m continually reminded of my poor choice in men, which is really sad that people feel they need to point it out).  So I’m going to rely on those I know and trust to set me up!  Pretty nerve-wrecking, but should be fun! 

No deep thoughts today…Just a lot of change and excitement that I thought I should document!

My life has been a whirlwind for about a month and a half now.  It’s amazing how life can be completely rocked to the core with just a few decisions made my others.  I must admit that through the love of my family and friends, I’ve realized that I’m not a victim…I’m blessed.  I think that too many times people think “Why me” or variations thereof, its like wallowing in self-pity.  Praying, Pondering, Books, and Conversations have given me a new look on life, one to look forward to.  My Dad gave me “The Traveler’s gift”.  From it, I learned that happiness is a choice.  I can choose to look at the bad things that have happened and dwell on them and blame my current circumstances on them, or I can accept my role in it, chalk it up for what it is, and happily move on.  I’ve learned that although being negative may be really inticing, it really doesn’t get you anywhere.  Tomorrow is a new day and life continues whether you choose to enjoy it or not.   I’d rather just be happy, it’s pretty obvious that the Lord has blessed me with so much to be happy about, there’s really no need to complain about the little things that aren’t so pleasant. 

My roommate and I really don’t have much in common.  I like sports; she likes art, culture, and dance.  However, we are both converts and have lived some pretty interesting lives.  We share our life experiences with one another and continually learn and grow.  It seems like we became friends to be able to see the other side of the spectrum.  A few days ago, I recieved a gift in the mail from Sarah, a dear friend of mine and was excited to see “Saying it like it is” by Sheri Dew.  The book is a compilation of great quotes and sayings to think about and ponder.  I am continually in awe by Sheri Dew and her ability to intrigue her readers into deep thought.  With all that has been going on, I’ve really had to take a deep look at what is important to me, what I want from life, and how to go about getting there.  It really is a lot to grasp, but when I read the book it made me recognize that there are really only a couple things to focus on and the rest will take care of itself.  1.  Faith and 2. Integrity   I really don’t even think I need to explain myself on those, I think its for everyone to decide for themselves what will keep them on the right road!  What a great gift at an opportune time.  Sarah has the gift to be able to lift people up and shows that she cares even across the country.

In a typical deep discussion, My roommate was talking about starting a blog, but had never been inspired to do so, and I just don’t think I have anything to say that is interesting enough for people to want to read! So after recieving the book and reading it over, I thought that it would be amazing to ponder on the messages in the book together.  After talking about it for awhile, we decided that we’d like to have records of the things we learn from our conversations, so thus this blog is born.  We are going to transcribe our conversations….a transcript for 2 travelers…on the road of life who want to document the lessons learned.

So Thanks to Sarah….A blog is born…and no one has to read it if they don’t want to…but its more like a journal that I have never thought neccessary to keep!