Portfolio Photoshoot with Josh 
I know whats right for me most of the time. However, the problem is I’m not all that great at getting rid of whats not good for me because I can always find a reason to keep it in my life. The eternal optimist…thinking that someone or something ALWAYS has something positive to add. I really think that they do have something to add, but the chances are much higher that they will take away much more than what they can add.
Tonight I called Elise because her feedback is always so spot on. She knows me as well if not better than I know myself and she calls me on the BS that I so frequently feed people not so close (Okay Okay and those closest to me…let’s face it, I’m really good at sales)
I just had to laugh after telling her all that has been going on with me to only hear…”You are just calling me to get reffirmation on what you already know” She was right. I knew what was right without her, but its nice to hear from someone else because just because I know doesn’t make it easy, and it doesn’t necessarily mean I will actually do it.
I’ve recently come to the realization that despite popular belief (held by some and laughed at by those who know me well) I’m far from a good girl (or at least a goody goody). It’s just not who I am. I have too much pride, independence, and attitude (possibly even craziness) for that to ever describe me. The reason that I am good, is because I’ve made the choice to be…and I have to fight like hell to stay that way, just not the same way as most. Because of my pride, independence, and attitude, I’m attracted to people who are similar to me. I love being around people with the same outlook on life as I have. There’s nothing wrong with having edge, but the problem lies with intentions. I can love spending time with someone like myself, but unless they fight to be “good” or to have high moral standards, the difference is night and day. I HATE ADMITTING THAT BECAUSE THEY CAN BE SO MUCH FUN but they are also toxic to me and the life I’ve chosen. I’ve made too much progress to jump on a slippery slope and slide backwards.
I’ve spent some time getting to know a couple guys lately. One that thinks I’m a goody goody, and the other that thinks I’m a bad girl through and through that masquerades or tries to be as good as possible. The latter asked me (referring to the first) “has he ever talked to you? ” My reply was “he doesn’t ask the right questions”
I’ve decided that people decide on their own what they want you to be…and then they ask the questions that are safe and won’t alter their preconceived notions. I think its easier for them to believe the lie that they tell themselves than to get out of their comfort zone and actually find out the truth abotu a person…I know I do the same thing…I need to break that habit…
The good news is, the option that I really want, isn’t bad for me for once (despite what he wants me to believe) :)
I very rarely do the right thing in matters of the heart…maybe if I start now, I might have a different end result 
